A Particular Man for a Particular Woman,

No. 3


We continue searching the Scriptures for the evidences that in the divine order of God's creation there is a particular man for a particular woman. Thus far we have said that this is indicated by several analogies and evidences that we have drawn from Scripture:
  1. There was the precedent of creation that when there was one man, God created one woman, and she was created in such a way that she was led by God to this one man. This order of creation still exists. There is no other way by which the right man meets the right woman except as the result of God's direct gracious intervention of bringing them together. A lady said to me the other day, "In my life, the right man never came along." And I said. "Yes, he did, because this is God's order. He always brings the right man and the right woman together. The problem is that we have done things to our own souls so that we don't recognize the right person when we do meet them. Or, we have already made a move outside of the will of God so that we are already related to the wrong person, and therefore cannot respond and react to the right one when that person comes along." The precedent of creation still holds.

  2. Secondly, we have said that there is the analogy of the church, a comparison to church truth. As Jesus Christ is the Lord of the church, and no one else could be in that relationship, that same context then goes on to speak to husbands to have a similar love for the wife, and the wife in turn to respect her husband, which she will do if she is the right woman for that man. She may be angry; she may be fed up with him; she may be put out; or, she may be aggravated, but always, through it all, there will be that quality of respect toward him. If a wife finds herself married to someone that she has difficulty respecting, it is probably one of the sad signals that that is the wrong person.

  3. We looked into Jeremiah 31:22 which indicated that God had created a very distinctive new thing in His creative order with interpersonal relationships, in the fact that he created a woman to fit a man. This refers to not only soul fitting, but physical fitting. This again was an indication that there is a particular relationship between one particular man and one particular woman that not only moves on the soul level but also on the physical level.

  4. Then we found that the right woman is the glory of the right man. Again we have the comparison that the church is the glory of Christ. And so the right woman is the glory of the man. The man's glory is the woman that is rightly related to him. No other woman can reflect glory upon him. No other woman can bring him to maximum productivity within the sphere of his being. No other woman can draw maximum responses from him. And this relationship of the woman being the glory of the man is related in Scripture to the length of hair--the man's hair to be short in comparison to his right woman's hair.

  5. Then we indicated that soul love and sex love cannot be achieved apart from the right mates. We went through Ezekiel 16 in which we viewed the relationship of Judah to God, to the Lord, as her right man, and how he picked her up in grace and related her to Himself. And then how she gradually, because of pride over the magnificent beauties that were drawn from her being as a result of her being with the right man, that she became proud, and this sin of the mind then caused her to start stepping down into promiscuity. The farther she went into the promiscuity, the less satisfaction she discovered. The harder she pursued trying to recapture what she once knew with the right man, the more it was evidenced that she would never recover. It was gone forever because she had taken herself away from the right man. Therefore, physical satisfaction, as well as satisfaction of the soul and spirit could never fully be experienced.
  6. Woman as Responder to Just One Man

    Now we come to number six in the series of these principles. This one is that the woman is designed as the responder to just one man. In Genesis 3:6, a problem arose in Eden as you know between the husband and the wife. As we read these opening chapters of human history we discover that the reason for the problem, the fall into sin, was the result of the man and the woman exchanging their divinely appointed roles. In Genesis 3:6, we discover that the woman Eve has become the aggressor, and so she is championing a line of action to her husband. She is downright hounding him to a line of action. The line of action that she is suggesting is that they follow Satan's advice instead of God's command. Genesis 3:6: "When the woman saw that the tree was good for food and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took the fruit thereof and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her and he did eat."

    Here's a sad picture of a man whose wife is telling him what to do. She comes to him with a line of action. She is just as sure she can be that this is really a good thing to do. This is what they should do. She is not satisfied to remain in her natural role of responder, and recommend and express her views, and then step off, and let it lie there, and let it gel, and let it shape up, and let the husband aggressor decide yes or no and pursue it. When he didn't move, she started gouging him and pushing him and hounding him that he should follow her very very good and incisive and perceptive advice, because she knew it was going to make them both very wise. It would deepen their being. It would bring vast new vistas of happiness.

    You ought to remember that this is exactly what they experienced. In that garden there were perfect relationships on every level, and it was happiness in the highest degree. God met with them on a regular basis. He taught them Bible doctrine, and He explained to them God's viewpoint. They grew in the knowledge of God's graciousness in their relationships to Him. So that they had the best of happiness that anybody could seek.

    But the woman took charge. She reached up, she plucked the fruit, and she ate it. Then she handed it to her husband, and he ate of it. He made the mistake that he sat there listening to her when he should have been talking to her. Instead of sitting there and listening to her championing and haranguing, he should have been sounding forth back at her and not permitting her to tell him how to chew the fruit. The sad result was that her hopes were not realized. Instead of finding a deeper spiritual experience and greater wisdom, she found herself cursed with an old sin nature and less perception of God's thinking than ever before.

    This is the same mistake that Abraham made. Sarah came along and said, "Oh Abraham, I know just exactly what we need to do about this business of having an heir so that we can secure the promises which God has made to us." Abraham, like a dummy, stood there and listened to his wife instead of buttoning her up and sounding back forth to her as to what God has said, and what they're going to do in reference to what God knows and what God has told them, and not give her a chance to carry on over something that was obviously already condemned and out of the will of God. But Abraham sat there and he listened, and he took up the championing point of Sarah, and he married Hagar. And, today your newspapers are full of the troubles that Sarah's assured convicted idea has brought on the world, because out of Hagar's line came the Arab tribes which are causing such friction and such conflict to the true descendants of Abraham and the Jewish people.

    Here is the divine judgment in Genesis 3:16 as a result of this exchanging of roles. The woman is designed to be a responder, and a responder to just one man. If she's with the wrong man, he is not likely to let her fulfill her role as responder. He is tempted to play the role of responder himself. He is tempted to let her fall into the role of aggressor. This is even a temptation when it is the right man with the right woman.

    So here was the divine judgment. God took steps. He was going to identify in the human experience who was whom within these relationships--who was responder and who was aggressor. So, God placed each of them in certain identifying roles. For the wife, she was promised unhappiness, particularly apart from her right man. Furthermore, she was to have children, and that was to be her responsibility, and it was to be one that was to be experienced in pain. All the rest of her life, throughout human history, every child born was a reminder to her of what her role was. Furthermore, God changed a certain quality of her psychology. He put within her a deep seated desire toward her husband that he should rule over her. She has, therefore, an insatiable yearning for this man.

    Someone called me again this week--a mother, and said, "I wonder if you'd marry my daughter." (That means they want me to perform the ceremony.) I said, "How old is she?" She said, "She's 18." So I explained to her that I didn't make it a practice of marrying teenagers because I've discovered that teenagers have a 9 to 10 odds against them of being able to stay in a marriage. I reminded her that between the ages 18 and 20, there is a fantastic change within a girl's attitudes--her taste and her outlook--as much as there is between ages 16 and 18. A girl who makes a choice at age 18 will look at this fella when she gets to be 20 or 21, and she has a hard time holding her cookies down very often, because she loathes the choice that she has made. So, I said I would suggest that she tell her daughter something, if she was still in a relationship where she would listen to her, though I doubted it. Anytime somebody calls me and wants me to perform a marriage ceremony for a teenager, I know pretty well that that kid has already been lost to that parent because they weren't sitting around the supper table when those little kids were junior age and primary age kids, and they weren't briefing them on how to pick people in marriage, and at what age they should get married, and they weren't building in structures within their being in order to defend themselves against the ignorant trends of our society.

    But I told her that if her daughter would listen to her that it would be wise to explain to her something that's happening within her being that she may not understand, and that is that God designed her, as part of her role as a responder, God put an insatiable desire toward men in her life. And, this has hit her probably before at about age 16, and now at age 18 it has hit her again. It'll hit her again at about age 20. If she can survive through her through the third wave of libido, her desire for a man and for physical attachment, she will be in a pretty good position to get God's right man for her. But, if she will not listen, she may bring grief, so I hope maybe she listened to this wisdom from her mother. Unless you warn your daughter and explain to her when she's young enough to understand this, to grasp it, and to receive this with an open heart, you may invite trouble.

    This particular girl is not very popular, and in the back of my mind I suggested to the mother that she may want to suggest to her daughter that she's getting a little panicky thinking this is her last chance, and that if she doesn't get married now she's doomed. She said, "Well that's kind of what I feel is exactly what she's doing."

    The sign of the woman's responding role, but to one right man, was that she would have this intense desire for fulfillment through him. The man was clearly to be the aggressor because he is put in the role of being told that he shall rule over you, and the singular pronouns indicate a particular person. Verse 16: "He shall rule over you." These particular personal pronouns reference specific individuals.

    So, the woman was made thirsty for the man; she's driven to respond to him; and, she's fantastically driven when she meets the right one. An authority was placed in the hands of the man. This is always the case. Authority in all areas of life is in the hands of men. It is wrong to have authority placed in the hands of women, authority over men, in any area of life. I don't care whether that authority is a teacher on an administration of a school, or someone who is in politics, or someone who is a federal judge, or the head of a university, and certainly in the pulpit.

    We've got quite a few churches here in Irving where all the folks gather and listen to a woman preacher. All of this is a violation of the woman's role as responder, and it is a travesty in the sight of God. When a woman is an aggressor, she loses her femininity. I've noticed this about women preachers. They're always very kind of masculine-like. I tend to view them as brigade leaders, more or less, whenever I hear them or have had an opportunity to listen to them. I think it's something akin to what Bob Hope said about the women's liberation movement--that they held a beauty contest and nobody won. This is about the way it is when you have a woman who wants to be an aggressor. She really loses her femininity.

    Adam, on the other hand, because he listened to his wife, was punished with hard work to secure his livelihood which is the role that he is to play. So, here is the relationship, right from the first. It was a good and a right relationship. This woman was married to the right man. She could have responded to him and he could have been the right aggressor. Instead, they elected to swap roles, and then it didn't work. It works only in that relationship and with the right person.

  7. Sex is for the Right Partners Only

    Now, there's another factor. Number seven: The response of the right partners sexually outside of themselves destroys body and soul. It ruins body and soul. Proverbs 6:32: "But whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding. He that does it destroys his own soul. Sex with the wrong man forms spiritual calluses on the soul. Ephesians 4:18 speaks about a blindness which is a hardening of the heart, a hardening upon the area of the soul so that spiritual insensitivity develops. Now what happens is that when the right woman is with the wrong man, there's a short circuiting of the physical responses. They are simply short circuited, and they blank out, and vice versa. They are stifled toward the right partner. This is what often sets a chain of events that are irrevocable in their disaster. Two right people are united to each other, and one goes off with the wrong person and then tries to return. Instead it goes increasingly downhill just as we saw the analogy with Judah and the Lord. Physical responses are short circuited.

    1 Corinthians 6:15 expands this a little more: "Do you not know that your bodies are the members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them the members of a harlot? God forbid." (Or just "Forbid." The word "God" is not in the original.) So here's another analogy indicating the concept of a particular man for a particular woman. Here's the believer who is in union with Jesus Christ, and they form two right partners. Now for one right Savior there's only one right body, and that's the body of the believers who make up the church. Spiritual adultery is when a believer worships someone other than the Lord Jesus. So the question here is, "Shall a Christian's body be joined sexually to the wrong person by the same token as someone to be joined to the wrong Lord spiritually?" And the answer is an emphatic, "No." Now why give God's design to the wrong person? This violates the unique oneness with the right one.

    Now when you do this, there is a destruction again of the soul and of the body in their responses. 1 Corinthians 6:17: "But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit. Flee fornication. Every sin that a man does is outside the body; but he that commits fornication sins against his own body." What the scripture is saying here is that this is one sin that bears its toll upon the physical structure of the guilty parties themselves. So, flee mental and physical fornication.

    1 Corinthians 6:19: "What? Do you not know that your body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, who you have of God, and you are not your own?" This sin affects the body and affects the soul, and it destroys physical response. The soul is wounded, and there is a psychological wound that is placed upon it, and the soul is part of the thinking and it affects the body. So sex between the right partners is thereby ruined.

  8. The Divine Order of Monogamy

    Number 8: The Divine order of monogamy. Monogamy means one husband to one wife. This confirms a particular man for a particular woman. This is God's order. 1 Corinthians 7:2: "Nevertheless, to avoid fornication let everyone have his own wife and let every woman have her own husband. You have God's right partner and you have your own. The Greek word here is this word "idios." "Idios" means your very particular own. It is a way of the Scriptures saying one particular right person--your particular own wife and your particular own husband--the one specially designed for you, not someone else's design.

    Incidentally, for you young people, when you fellows are dating some girl, it would be well for you to remember that you are probably dating someone who is someone else's particular designed possession, and not yours. And someone else is dating your particular designed possession, so treat her accordingly.

    Now, this Scripture has to do with the source of genuine physical satisfaction. There is first of all a coalescence of soul which must precede the union of the bodies. In 1 Corinthians 7:3, the apostle says, "Let the right husband render unto the right wife her due: likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife has not power over her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband has not power of his own body, but the wife." Here again you have the whole monogamous arrangement of marriage because it's a particular person for a particular person. Now when the Scriptures uses this term "power over," this refers to physical power--to sex power. The husband is the divinely ordained means to satisfy the wife's body, and she his. And the context implies that this can only be fully done with the right person which is the right one by God's design.

    So, we hear a lot today about homosexuality, lesbianism, and autoerotism, all of which you see are condemned by Scripture. God did not design the soul of a man for the soul of another man, or one's own soul for one's own soul. Homosexuality, lesbianism, and autoerotism are condemned by the Word of God. It reduces the physical relationships to an animal level because they try to function apart from the right soul. That's why God says, "I don't condone polygamy. I condone monogamy--one for one. I don't condone harems. I don't condone any of the perversions of wife swapping." These are all modern perversions of ancient sins. Now, no nation stands very long when this is violated, and Sodom and Gomorrah is a good example of that. Husbands and wives do not have power over their own bodies. They need each other to bring about the physical responses that God has designed for them.

    Now, Satan comes along and he perverts this. This is one of the big things of our day, and it is the sign of the degeneracy of our times. It's part of his program to destroy the national entity. When you get enough people with sexual perversion within a nation, the nation historically has been destroyed. You go right down through the ages and you can read about the great nations. If you read the history books that tell it to you like it is, you'll discover that this was a major factor in the national life of every one of them as they came to their final days--sexual perversion. It expressed itself in identically the way that it does today in the various deviations that are so commonplace. Morality is designed by God not only for believers, but it is also designed for unbelievers. God expects morality on the part of unbelievers because this preserves the nation, and it also preserves the individual for that particular right person for whom he designed that one.

    Do you know what sensitivity training is? You hear a great deal about this. One of the seminary professors, I'm sorry to say, in the Christian education department was quoted in a meeting as saying, "This is one of the greatest things that's ever come about." I presume that he has not looked into the matter or he doesn't know what sensitivity training is. He's been around long enough that he ought to know better, but he's gotten carried away with enthusiasms that Christian education people often have a knack for doing. Sensitivity training is a step toward perversion, and it is on a vast scale. In some places of the country, this is introduced in the public school, and very extensively on the college level. It is people sitting around in a circle and learning to touch each other without inhibitions--men with men, and women with women, as well as mixed groups. It is a step to perversion. Sensitivity training is a monstrous satanic step in the direction of the destruction of the national entity. Again, you're back to the issue of soul-for-soul, monogamy. God has one soul to join to another soul, a man to a woman in the right combination in order to draw out the right relationships. So, you don't go around pawing over everybody under the sun.

    On TV not so long ago one of the homosexual perverts was crying to the panel director that our society oppresses his kind. He came from California, and he said, "Now as I stood at the airport there were all these people, husbands and wives and sweethearts, kissing each other goodbye, but I couldn't kiss my lover goodbye." Now try to control your stomach. This is extensively widespread in the United States today. This is sensitivity training.

    One of our high school kids came up to me last week and said, "I'm on my way to the police station." I said, "I'm not surprised." He said, "I'm going to report something." I said, "What?" He said, "A guy down at the drug store got fresh with me." He said, "He approached me and tried to get cozy. I'm going to turn him in." This isn't way up there in those terrible northern Yankee-land territories of Chicago or something. This is right down here in the empire state of Texas, and you have it all around you. So you better wake up to what is going on around you and what your children are faced with. If your kids are in the public school, I suggest you leave the service now and go home and start praying. Or else be glad that they are here. You better see to it that you keep them here and you keep them in clubs where they can get doctrine poured into them because your advice is not going to make any difference to them, I'll tell you right now. The thing that's going to count is that they are so oriented with the Word of God that when they meet these creeps, they know how to turn them in.

    Frustrations with true sex are the result of these perversions. That's where you bring alcohol in. That's where you bring drugs, and you have all kinds of efforts to sublimate. There's never any problem with sex in its divine context of a particular man and a particular woman. All of these concepts of polygamy, harems, and wife-swapping are condemned. I think that this is one of the reasons pornography in movies and in print is such a popular thing. And you get it in the mail all the time now. Now it has become so bad that the government has just passed a law, and they said that you can now give a card to the post office, and a company will be warned that if they ever send something through the mail to you again of a pornographic nature, they will have legal action taken against them. This is for people to be able to stop what pours into their mailboxes. Unless you've seen it, you just will not believe it. This is the reason for pornography in print and in movies. All you have to do is look on your movie page to see how extensive this is.

    This is popularized, I suspect, by people who are married to the wrong person. I suspect that a great deal of printed and movie pornography is popularized and made profitable by people who are married to the wrong person, so they're pursuing a false and destructive stimulation. They made a wrong move and they stepped out of line of God's natural order of stimulation. There's no substitute for the magnificent combination of God uniting two right people. It's a perfect arrangement of sublime proportions. And, if you're not married, this is what God has in store for you. He never intended you to be unhappy. He never intended you to be unfulfilled. If you go about this in the right way, you won't stumble into it like you're some kind of an ignorant cow who is just going to go out and start chewing the cud wherever it is. Unless you have some perception and some insight and you sit down and take advantage of what you're studying in these sessions, you may find yourself in the same sad condition as a lot of kids who don't have the advantage of studying this.

  9. Happiness

    One more: a very interesting confirmation, perhaps one of the strongest that God has a right combination. Happiness is derived from a right marriage, even for the unsaved. Ecclesiastes 9:9: "Live joyfully with the wife that you love, all the days of the life of your vanity." Live joyfully, with a certain kind of wife. Which kind of wife? With the wife that you love. Here in the Hebrew this means the one whom you continually love, the one whom you keep on loving. The reason for this continued love is because you are able easily to continue loving her because she's the right person, so there is no problem in loving her. You can live joyfully. You can experience happiness rather than sorrow as you live with this right woman whom you love over the days of your life. But what kind of a life? The life of your vanity which He has given you under the sun. Do you know what vanity means? Your empty life--your life of nothingness. Here is a very fantastic declaration I think. The Bible is saying that you can be a totally unsaved person who has nothing but misery in his life, or you can be a carnal Christian who has nothing but misery because of your unconfessed sin. But you can be an unsaved person who goes through a hellish situation all day long at work and everything else you do, but when you come home, if it's the right woman there, you will experience joy and happiness.

    The thing to remember is that this is God's blessing that affects everybody because you work by his principles here. If you're with the right person, then it's going to be happiness. He says, "That is your portion in this life, and in your labor which you take under the sun." But the thing to remember is that this poor fellow, while he'll be happy in a marriage, if somehow he's lucked out and joined up with the right person, this is all the happiness he's going to have. After this life, there's going to be hell to pay all the way down the line. It is very impressive, therefore, when you stop and look at yourself as a Christian and realize that this works for you too. With the right combination, there's a depth of joy and happiness that God has for you, and because you are a Christian, you have everything going for you in the way of happiness already. As you become oriented to the Word of God, you become oriented to life, and every step you take that you get in step with the way God's walking, the greater and the deeper is your happiness whatever your circumstances may be. So if you're unsaved, you're not going to have any happiness beyond this right marriage, but you will have happiness in the right marriage. All the days of your empty useless pointless life you will live joyfully with that one right partner.

There are other indications, no doubt, that we could find in the Scriptures, but perhaps these nine will be enough to establish the fact that God does have a right combination. The question we want to pursue next is, "Is there anything to help me identify the person? Is there anything that I could do so that my signals, my radar, is going to lock onto the right person when she comes along, when he moves into the orbit of my life? Is there anything I can do so that my radar keeps rejecting the wrong ones just as fast as they come along? I want to go just as negative as I can until the right one comes and then I go real positive. Well I think there are some things, and we're going to look at those in the sessions before us.

We ask God to help us to use these things in a practical way. We pray that we shall rethink that which we have heard over these past few sessions and we shall realize again from the Word that He has designed all phases of our lives. Certainly in the matter of marriage, this too is in His plan. Either God has called us to the supreme sacrifice of bypassing marriage for maximum service to Him, or He has given us the gift of celibacy for specialized purposes, or He has indeed called us into the marriage relationship and has designed that in just the right way. So we pray to God that He will help us to find ourselves so rightly related to Him that our marriages would be a matter of happiness and of satisfaction, of freedom from friction, and of a sense of joy that we are operating in the will of God, and that we are doing things that are changing the records in heaven, and that the combination of lives will prove in eternity to have been very fruitful spiritually. If this decision hasn't been made by these young people here yet unmarried, we pray to God that they shall take warning and take heed and be wise enough to listen to people who have been over the ground, and who can clue them in on the invaluable guidelines that will direct them to His guiding hand in the matter of selecting that one right particular person for each of them. For we pray in Christ's name. Amen.

Dr. John E. Danish, 1970

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